Success vs. Joy

- LXXIX -

Alone, not Lonely

I grew up believing in myself. I was alone, yet never lonely. Solitude for me has become a state of bliss. At times, I actually feel I’m one with the universe. The foundation of my character has become very deep and strong. I have faith in my abilities and in myself. My parents never had any great expectations from me. I am a down-to-earth person in more than just a metaphorical sense. I never really bother about things around me; I feel much happier looking within.

As I grew, I realized I really didn’t need to be with anyone. I did not question anybody and I did not want to be questioned. I wanted to be left to myself. That is where my true joy emanated from.

At times, there is a sense of guilt. Am I too selfish? Am I anti-social, unconcerned about others? Do I only take and give nothing in return? Have I cocooned myself and built an invisible wall around myself? Do I live in a world of illusion where I have shut out all that I do not like, all that I consider sad, disagreeable, and painful?

I don’t know.

Chapter LXXVIII :: Chapter LXXX